I was talking to someone the other day and he asked why kinky things like whips, ball stretchers, and hairy Daddies are so interesting when I’m having sex. I’ve heard many general theories about kinkster headspace, but I’ve never thought about my own. Here are several elements that make kinky play so satisfying to me on a personal level. Many of them also apply to mainstream sex (which I enjoy a great deal!), but being in a scene ramps it up another notch or two.
BDSM play involves a deep intimacy that draws me back again and again. When I’m in a heavy scene with a familiar partner, we form an intense connection. It’s physical, emotional, and even spiritual at times. There’s a flow of energy that moves between us that I can’t explain, but I certainly experience. There’s a high level of trust. I know my partner will keep me safe throughout the scene. I may become uncomfortable on a variety of levels, but I know that my partner is watching out for me.
Kinky play gives me the opportunity to step out of my daily patterns and roles. In my daily life, I prefer structure and a sense of control. Kink allows me to explore other possibilities within a contained space. I can submit a Dom and give him control over me. He calls the shots and I seldom know where he will take me. I can try out something new with my partner and not worry about getting the technique completely correct. Role-playing allows me to set aside logic, reason, and reality and immerse myself in fantasy. I can be a wrestler or big brother or delivery guy.
Kink forces me to be present with my body. I’m a very physical player and I draw my sexual energy from a primal place. It’s a place that society usually demands we bury. I can explore that raw, animalistic part of me. You will find me growling or grunting in the playroom when I’m in the groove. It’s about unbridled response.
I’ve also found that stimulating different parts of my body elicits different emotional responses. Paddling my hamstrings and calves ramps up the animal side of me while flogging or whipping my back is very centering and spiritual. Fisting is a wonderful exploration of the nuances of subtle sensations. All of these sensations/emotions are immediate and ephemeral. It’s there and then it’s gone. There’s no time for me to mentally process anything…only the chance to experience it.
Kinky play gives me new insights about myself. I can be pushed outside my comfort zone and confronted with new sensations. Being completely immobilized triggers my desire for control. How does it feel to not be in control? Single tailing gives me the change to explore how things really feel rather than how my head thinks they feel. The stinging sensation from the whip isn’t nearly as painful as I thought it would be. Fisting reminds me to slow down and to savor each sensation.
Finally, I’ve embraced the fact I’m just wired for kinky sex. There’s an erotic charge that comes from these intense sensations that seems automatic. I’ll rise to the occasion every time if you’re squeezing my balls. Use a paddle while we’re having sex and I’m in ecstasy. I enjoy non-kinky sex immensely, but adding in some kink has always been icing on my cake.