Coach

Reignite the Passion in Your Relationship!

The Body Electric School presents PSI in Chicago March 24-26 2023

PSI is an exciting workshop that explores the concepts and skills of BDSM within the safe container of a Body Electric event.

You will have the opportunity to:

– Explore your body’s capacity for elevated levels of sensation

– Refine your skills for creating intention and asking for what you want

– Examine the meanings and myths of masculinity and femininity in culture and your life

– Learn how to safely play with bondage, flogging, and creating scenes

– Connect and reflect in a supportive environment

We have assembled a fantastic team . We have a great venue lined up that is committed to facilitating the investigation of leather and BDSM.

Please visit the event page on Body Electric’s website:https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fbodyelectric.org%2Fonline-shops%2Fpower-surrender-intimacy%2F&h=AT2PMzytc07LL8XeYyS9Fi_Fb_rFbBx1AEdjd2rZeBewCPH42ZM3BcTgBKE2BDMUKX8vNeNNATBAoUKi_OPfZ–7RVZb4mbgWALcHqo7X5sSvegM6ytuw1e0a8hkMWnP8RtfVIQsjINOssB5tbOZF8Vy 

One of the questions I get frequently is how to enjoy anal sex. Most of us have had a bad experience with butt sex…especially starting out. You’re thinking about it right now, aren’t you? Here are some tips to ease you into ass play if you’re starting out.  If you’re more experienced, you might run across something new.

Relax and take it slow

Start by relaxing your mind and your body.  Give yourself plenty of time to prepare.  Knowing you’re ready to play helps calm your mind and removes a lot of anxiety.  Start by cleaning out long before it’s time to play. Do several sessions with short breaks between them. Take some time setting up where you’re going to play.  Get everything you might want to use together.  Put on your favorite chill playlist and dim the lighting to make it more erotic.

Start out solo

If you don’t have a lot of experience, start out solo. You can explore without feeling the pressure to perform. Plan several play dates with yourself.  Tease your ass with your finger and lots of lube. Use a small toy or butt plug. The important thing is to focus on what you’re feeling. Play around with different toys, positions, and speeds to see what feels best to you. The more you play, the more you learn to relax.

Add a partner

Make a date with someone you trust.  Be up front about your level of experience.  Tell your partner what you’ve enjoyed in your solo sessions.  It gives you both a common ground for where to begin. Communicate during sex.  Let your partner know how you’re doing.  Ask for more lube or a different position. Take a break if you need it. Tell him how good he feels inside you.  Push back with your body.  Make eye contact.  It gives your partner confidence that he’s pleasing you and permission to ask for what would please him.

Easy does it

Like every other muscle in your body, your asshole needs to warm up before a big workout.  You might play a little with a dildo before your date arrives.  Better yet, do some foreplay with your partner.  Let them use the toy, a finger, or their tongue to begin relaxing your hole. It’s a great way to build your desire for each other.

Let go

You’ve done your homework. You’re prepped and ready to rumble.  Give yourself permission to enjoy yourself.  Let down your inhibitions.  Moan. Talk dirty.  Snort like a pig.  Beg for more. You may be the bottom, but you don’t have to be passive about it. Nothing motivates a top more than seeing the effect he has on his bottom.  Playing off each other leads to heightened pleasure and longer sessions.

Know your limits

You know your body best.  What feels good today might not tomorrow. Pay attention to that. Ignoring your limit leads to diminishing returns and frustration. If your ass has had enough, pivot to something else. Kiss. Cuddle. Have a snack. Dose off in each other’s arms.  End the evening on a high note rather than hitting the wall.

Lube 101

I was walking through the store today and was amazed to see an entire wall dedicated to personal lubricants.  Granted, I was in a sex shop in the heart of the Castro.  There were so many choices: silicone, flavored, scented, water, jo, anal, organic, for couples, warming, cooling, gel, creme, paste, hybrid, super slick, and so on.  It was overwhelming.  Unless you know what you’re looking for, where do you start?

There are three basic categories of lube:  water-based, silicone based, and oil based.  Each type has its pluses and minuses.  One may be better suited to a specific activity than another.  Graze the buffet.  Try out something different.  You might find a new favorite or confirm your favorite really is the best.

Water based:
These lubes are usually comprised of water and glycerin, although there are glycerin-free alternatives. These lubes can be used with any type of condom, toy, and clothing. They dissolve in soap and water, so cleanup is a breeze.  You don’t end up with fabric stains, permanently slick floors, or handprints on the wall that never go away.  The downside is you need to reapply lube or water frequently because they dry out and become sticky.

Silicone based:
These lubes are a blend of different silicone liquids.  By varying the ratios, manufacturers get different viscosities (thicknesses) in the product. Silicone lubes are recommended for used with latex products and most silicone products.  Silicone does not dissolve in water.  It also doesn’t dry out and takes longer to get sticky.  There are silicone hybrids that combine water and silicone.  The hybrids are popular because they combine the best properties of the two and look a lot like cum.

You need to be cautious when combining silicone lubes and silicone toys.  The silicone lube might bond to the toy creating a sticky mess that has to be scraped off the toy.  I’ve ruined a number of toys this way.  Apply a small amount to the base or flange of the toy.  The reaction is immediate.  If the lube stays slick, you’re good to go.  If it’s gooey, you should switch to a different lube or toy.

The downside is silicone is tough to clean up. Stained fabrics are nearly a given, so most guys have a set of sheets or drop cloth to use when having sex.  It’s difficult to get all of the silicone lube off hard surfaces like floors or bathtubs.  Dawn dish detergent helps with toys and Windex works on hard surfaces to a degree.

Oil based:
Oil based lubes are derived from petroleum or rendered fat.  These lubes should not be used with any type of latex product (condoms, toys, clothing) because they break down the latex. Polyurethane condoms and silicone toys aren’t affected.  Most people tend to dismiss oil based lubes rather quickly, but they can be a good choice for some activities.  Masturbation and butt play come to mind immediately.

Oil based lubes tend to be slicker than other lubes and extremely long lasting.  This type of lube also adheres well to skin and the rectal walls.  The obvious drawback is these lubes corrode latex.  Most of the time, these lubes are packaged in a tub, so it’s easy to contaminate the container during play.  Fabric stains are typical and shower is usually the best way to clean yourself up. Finally, these lubes can go rancid over time.

Additives:
All lubes have additives for one reason or another.  Some of the most common are preservatives, scents, emollients,  numbing agents, colors, flavors, warming agents, and cooling agents. While all are FDA approved, that doesn’t mean a few people aren’t sensitive to one additive or another.  If you have a reaction (rash, burning, etc), switch to another lube.  It’s not prevalent these days, but also avoid lubes that contain nonoxynol-9.   It can irritate mucus membranes causing microscopic tears.

 

 

Welcome to KinkyCoach 2.0!

It’s hard to believe the original site went live over two years ago. I’m grateful for the challenges and opportunities that have come my way since then.  I’ve taught a number of workshops.  I’ve expanded my skills as a bodyworker, taken classes in Sacred Intimacy and Tantra, and sharpened my fetish skills. I continue to be amazed by the passion, generosity, and eagerness of my clients. I’ve also begun to narrow down the focus of my work.  The redesign of the site is a reflection of my growth.

I talk about how my approach to sensual massage is very different from other massages you might have experienced.  I combined Fetish Coaching and Mentoring into a Coaching page which highlights my expertise with anal pleasure, deep embodiment, and fetish play.  I’ve updated the comments about clients’ experiences.  Finally, I’ve incorporated all of the educational material (previously called articles) into tagged blog posts.

I hope you like it. The new site is more responsive to the myriad of phones, tables, and traditional computing. Likewise, I continue to push myself to be even more committed to men who walk through my door.

Daddy Richard gave me the nickname “bulldog” a number of years ago.  He said I reminded him of one: solid, loyal, and headstrong. This summer during Sacred Intimate Training at Easton Mountain, I chose to embrace my namesake and celebrate its power. The name really does describe my build and personality.

I’m tenacious once I have committed to something.  Most of the time, that’s a good thing.  I follow through on promises, stick to my beliefs and see projects to completion. Once in a while, I’m a little too committed and I don’t adopt different perspectives or habits as quickly as I might.  I guess that’s where Daddy Richard got the headstrong part.

I’m protective of the people around me. I strive to create safe spaces where they are able explore unfamiliar territory, heal from wounds, or play unabashedly. Each knows I have their back.

Bulldog is also a good metaphor of my erotic expression.  When I’m fully engaged sexually, I’m grunting and growling.  I vocalize the primal energy that lives deep in my body.  Sometimes it’s playful.  Other times it can be fierce.

I followed through this week on my commitment and got my bulldog tattoo.  Like me, it’s playful and fierce.  Loyal and passionate. It serves as a touchstone reminding me of my power and the various ways I express it in my life.